Kitchen

Right before I said bye to my parents and me coming back to Lubbock, we started to talk about my break up. It reminded me of two years ago when I had my first heartbreak. They were there to help me through it & listen to me. Honestly, I don’t know what I would do without my parents. They always remind me if the person I really am. Of course, I wish I could be more girly, but simplicity has always suit me. The simple life has always been my greatest desire. I have one of the biggest hearts anyone could have.

They reminded me of how hurt I once was and how I used it as motivation to follow my dreams. How I want to do so much, reach so many levels of greatness & how my heart has always dreamt of one day being one of the greatest nurses you will ever know. I was so motivated that I began working in ICU. I was so determined, I had no experience what so ever, & that is where you found me. I worked under so many smart, educated people that loved me. That saw drive in me. I was known by doctors, I was admired by the director from CCU & ICU. I worked next to nurse practitioners that would ask for me to come help as they explained the procedures performed. Working with my charge nurse was intimidating because of the knowledge he had and experience to the moment I did my first IV in front of him and nailed it. I had so many amazing mentors when I was back in Midland.

My first break up led me to finding motivation in myself. Ignoring the fact that a boy was holding me back. I am a girl with dreams. Many dreams. I grew up not having much to having more then I deserved by the hard work of both my parents that I know as long as I work my ass off I can have and give anything! Just as one door closes, another opens. I’ve always have had trouble understanding why things change and why I hurt, but I know that God would never do something to hurt me. In the long run, it’s because he knows I mean well and he knows my heart and he’s only guiding me. Even when I don’t understand, I need to quit questioning.

This new relationship was I don’t know, something unplanned. I never meant to fall for him. I enjoyed his company but when everything started to come out it just ended up being like a lie. There was happy moments but a lot of lies. A lot of drama and bullshit. I went with how the happy moments made me feel and being the girl that fights for happiness I fought. I defended him towards my dad. How could I? Why was I that daughter? I defended him towards the world. I defended him towards my own self when I was ready to move on and let go before. You get caught up in the right and you ignore the wrong. Honestly I don’t care about myself or the world, but I do care that I went against my dad for him. He warned me. He was told and he warned me. I didn’t want to believe. I thought I knew a better side of him. He had showed me a person I enjoyed not only for the fun, but the way he let me feel comfortable, the way I could share my past, my present, the way he took me everywhere, the way he pushed me to be better. I saw that side. Honestly, everything he told me this last time upsets me because there was never an issue. I could have a reply to everything but that’s not going to change the fact he changed. With all that being said, maybe I wasn’t the girl he wanted me to be. I wasn’t up to par for him, but what’s funny is him always saying “let me love you”, “let me treat you how you deserve to be treated”. So even if I wasn’t, I don’t get how it’s easy to lie. I don’t see why you should try to get someone to fall for you so later you can walk away. I don’t understand how feelings can fade so easily, & if a house made his fade well that really doesn’t deserve me.

I know I’m still upset at the fact that it happened so suddenly, but I love myself so much to know this isn’t right. I am so thankful for my parents and for them never judging me on my actions and decisions, but always supporting me and comforting me. Even when I fail, they are always there to pick me up. So what if we aren’t fancy and live luxurious, I promise the hearts we have can over come all the money in the world. I’m finally able to see the light in all of this.